and breathe

I have been trying to stay out of the clearly divided politics going on in America. I can no longer stay silent. I feel nauseous and deeply saddened by all that is happening. I am a peace warrior and I am trying to figure out how to find compassion and acceptance for a man who is running to be a representative of the place where I live;  a man who has spoken words of such hate, disgrace, and disrespect to many  people of different religions, cultures and colors on our planet. He stirs up feelings of anger, sadness and concern inside of me. To me, the president of the United States (which is clearly not united) is a position for working to create peace on the planet. I don’t even like saying “United States,” because I feel so much heartache around our culture and how selfish and blind our government is to important issues, such as the environment and basic human  needs.  I am not going to go into all of that now, perhaps a blog for another time.  What I want to focus on and ask is, how in the world would anyone want a man representing you who uses terms such as “grabbing a woman’s p—-” and “I moved on her like a b—-,” talking about women as sexual objects. Not only was I molested by my father when I was younger, but I have had other experiences in my life where unwanted advances were made on my body.  I did not have the courage or self-worth at those times to do anything except keep silent and move forward in my life. I am in a different place now in my life. I am learning to love and accept all of me. I know I have value in the world and I am courageous. I do not want someone who thinks of women as sexual objects and talks with such disrespect, to represent me or the country I live in. I know those specific comments were from 11 years ago. More recently, in different situations, he has called women names such as pig and ugly and expressed his disgust of women’s natural born bodily functions such as breastfeeding and menstruating (just to name a few.)
From his comments, I think if Donald Trump were president, he would not be concerned for my wellbeing as a woman. No wall will change that. And in mentioning “the wall.” I want to create peace and connection on the planet, not separation.  We are all living on ONE PLANET, TOGETHER! I want to find ways to coexist with ALL BEINGS on our planet including, humans, animals and plants, not just Americans. Global action is now required to keep this planet livable. Having a president who uses vulgar language will not generate peace and connection with people and other countries.
I have been arguing with myself over how to nurture peace around what Donald Trump has said. So, I pulled out my NVC cards. Here is my nonviolent communication process:

  1. Make an observation: Donald Trump said: “I did try to f— her, I moved on her like a b—-, when you’re a star, you can do anything, grab them by the p—-.”
  2. Connect to my feelings: The feelings that arise in me when I hear him say this are: Anger, sadness, hopelessness, confusion, surprise, and concern. I also feel troubled, scared and furious.
  3. Connect to needs (we all have the same needs): The needs that come up for me are: the need for wellbeing, integrity, peace, to matter, connection, harmony, community, shared reality, and trust.
  4. Make a request of a person or myself: Because I am not engaged with the person who said the remarks I am doing this process around, I am making a request to myself: “Would I be willing to spend no more than 20 minutes a day reading about the news?” answer: “yes.”
    Second request: “Will you do the meditation practice below for the next 30 days?” answer: “yes.”
    I will hold myself accountable to both of these requests by timing myself and marking off on a calendar after my meditation practice.

This 4 step Nonviolent Communication method is one of the tools I use to help me process my emotions and connect with myself to nurture peace within. This is all I can do to create peace on the planet. I have no control over what someone else says, what actions they take, or how they feel. I do have a choice on whether or not I feel the emotions that arise within me. I have a choice about whether or not if I let my emotions flow or let them build up and create an internal toxic environment. I have a choice about if I vote and who I vote for. I have a choice about who I want to represent where I live to the rest of the world. I want someone who speaks with integrity and respect for ALL life. I don’t feel hatred toward Donald Trump, I just would like for someone else to represent the country I live in. My choice may or may not become the next president, but I will not succumb to the fear-based society any longer. What do you choose? Hate? War? Fear? Separation? Peace? Love? Connection?
I was crying earlier while writing this. Crying, not only because of the state of America, but also the planet. Crying because the world is in such disarray. Crying, wondering how could someone with such blatant contempt for woman be so close to one of the highest positions of authority in our country? I feel a little better now and some ease after writing this blog. I know that there is a greater purpose for us all and I know LOVE WILL PREVAIL.
And breathe…………………
An invitation: I learned about this meditation exercise during my yoga teacher training with Kim Valerie. I believe it is traditionally a Buddhist practice, but I think it really is a human practice.
Metta: loving kindness directed at self.
May I be happy
May I find true happiness
May I be free of afflictions that arise within
May I not get stuck in denial
May I transcend ignorance
May I learn my lessons and transcend them
May I be at peace
May I not judge
May I open my heart and forgive
May I find true harmony
May I let go of the past
May I look forward with an open heart
Karuna: Compassion. When you can give without reaction to someone you love
May he/she be happy
May he/she find true happiness
May he/she be free of afflictions that arise within
May he/she not get stuck in denial
May he/she transcend ignorance
May he/she learn his/her lessons and transcend them
May he/she be at peace
May he/she not judge
May he/she open his/her heart and forgive
May he/she find true harmony
May he/she let go of the past
May he/she look forward with an open heart
Mudita: Altruistic Joy. The practice of GENUINELY being happy for someone whom you do not like or has something you don’t and you feel you should.
May he/she be happy
May he/she find true happiness
May he/she be free of afflictions that arise within
May he/she not get stuck in denial
May he/she transcend ignorance
May he/she learn his/her lessons and transcend them
May he/she be at peace
May he/she not judge
May he/she open his/her heart and forgive
May he/she find true harmony
May he/she let go of the past
May he/she look forward with an open heart
Upeksa: Total equanimity and neutrality
May all beings be happy
May all beings find true happiness
May all beings be free of afflictions that arise within
May all beings not get stuck in denial
May all beings transcend ignorance
May all beings learn their lessons and transcend them
May all beings be at peace
May all beings not judge
May all beings open their heart and forgive
May all beings find true harmony
May all beings let go of the past
May all beings look forward with an open heart
May all beings everywhere be healed
May all beings everywhere be conscious
May all beings everywhere be free
If you have experienced sexual assault, you can call the free, confidential National Sexual Assault hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), or access 24-7 help online by visiting
Meditation was copied from YogaSpirit teacher training curriculum documents.

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